Anxieties

Pueblo: Day 1

I've been driving all day, heading toward Pueblo, CO. My path lead me through the Rockies, where I marveled in the beautiful sight lying all around me. There's something about mountainous terrain and snow that makes me feel at peace inside. It's as if the closer I am to the mountains and fresh air, the more alive and calm I feel. It was with these daydreams in mind that I realized later on that I ran into a problem.

I arrived in Pueblo, Colorado 5 hours later tired and frustrated. The scenery had changed once again from mountain terrain to flatland. I had talked to my couchsurfing host, we'll call him Kevin, a few hours into the trip and wasn't expected until later that night. I pulled into a Hampton Inn and Suites and plugged my computer in, perusing the Internet and relaxing in the comfort of a living room type setting while I planned my next steps.

Problem number one, I went to check Kevin's profile fully and started to get really uneasy as to what I was getting myself into. Granted, his review was positive and all of his pictures seemed docile. But I started to get more and more anxious, my imagination kicking into hyper drive. I am a 22 year old female staying with a complete stranger, a 35 year old male. What am I doing? I tried to quickly think of places to buy pepper spray and how I would prepare myself for the evening if something uncomfortable were to take place. To top it off, I realized that my long trek to Pueblo was actually pointless. I either had the choice to travel up into Colorado, and much further away from New Orleans, or backtrack down south back into New Mexico and the dry terrain of the South. Did the females in my travel books go through these same issues, or was I just overreacting? I'm now at a frustrating crossroad of choices yet again.

In an attempt to make the best of the situation, I searched "must see" travel destinations across the USA and found the results to be extremely disheartening. Most of the locations I had already seen or were in California. The locations that were scattered across the map lay mostly to the far east or in various parts throughout the continent, mostly away from me. The most interesting part about the whole ordeal is as I drove farther and farther from CA and Josh, I felt more and more lonely and lost. My dreams of discovering a new home and a new life are starting to waver as my confidence level drops. I've been without real human interaction for almost a week and it's making me even more anxious. Am I running away from someone in particular or humanity itself? I'm worried if I keep going on my travels, I'll find myself lost and without hope on the other side of the country, away from everyone.

I know my uneasiness will subside as soon as I hit my destination of New Orleans and beyond, since that is where I truly want to see and where the scenery is most likely to my taste. But for now, how do I get from Colorado to New Orleans most efficiently and without getting stranded in the barren South? How will I face my first host and the unknown evening lying ahead without having an anxiety attack? Yet again, my good intentions have led me into a wide expanse of unknown.