Boulder Day 2

Boulder, CO: Day 2

I woke up early, vaguely aware that I was on a couch in someone else's home. I tried to go back to sleep, but after a few moments of tossing and turning, I knew it would be an impossible task. I hopped back onto my computer and continued my ravid esearch. Have i mentioned I'm an addictive workaholic who goes full force into an idea once I put my mind to it? Before long, Brian and Jason began stirring and soon there was the animation of morning preparations for the day ahead. I couldn't help but feel somewhat out of place from my perch on their couch. I felt as if I were a strange apparition that randomly materialized in the midst of their green room. It wasn't that they weren't friendly enough, I just felt out of my element and was ready to find a place I could call home and a bed I knew would be waiting for me each night.

I took a quick shower, said my thank yous to my hosts, and headed off toward my first apartment appointment of the day: the dreamy quaint cabin at the top of the mountain. I navigated my car up the same path I had been the day before, quickly becoming familiar with the layout of the town. I headed up the mountain and passed some incredible sights, including a mansion nestled in the fir groves and a giant reservoir sparkling in the morning sun, but although I was enamored, I also mentally took note that the 30 min drive up and down the swerving mountainous path would most likely get tiresome after awhile, especially in the middle of winter.

I ended up getting lost yet again and without phone service; another worry I had to keep in mind of my potential new habitat. It took a little navigating on my part and odd standing positions to regain a little cell service to contact the owner I was supposed to meet with. 45 minutes later, I pulled into an amazing lot. Carl and his wife owned and lived in a magnificent house right on the cliff of the mountain. Their views: the expansive mountains surrounding them and the beautiful reservoir below. I knew before I saw the place I would be in love. We walked around the property and he showed me more of the breathtaking scenery. We then walked toward the garage where the small cabin was attached. It was a very homey place, extremely small with a single burner, stand up shower, and sleeping loft that was only reached by climbing up a ladder on the side of the wall. Even though it was tiny, I could really imagine myself in the space, hunched over my computer as an aspiring writer and photographer, basking in the nature muse that is mother nature. But my common sense also kept murmuring that the extreme seclusion from others was probably not the best idea. Carl and his wife also wanted a long-term lease which I already knew I couldn't commit too. After my tour, I took a little more time reveling in the sight, and then headed off toward Lafayette where another prospective owner was waiting for me to arrive.

A New Beginning: Boulder, CO

Day 1

I kept waning in and out of slumber, remembering where I was and snuggling further into the bed. In the morning, I woke up to rowdy neighbors and cursed them under my breath as I tried to go back to bed, not ready to start the day. My phone went off at 8:30 and I lazily glanced over to see that I received a text message from a couch surfing host saying I was free to stay that night. I had a place to stay for another night in Boulder! What a great way to start a new day.

I spent the next few hours slowly preparing for my departure, hesitating to leave, but deciding where I wanted to go exploring. I surfed some websites for recommendations and decided to visit the flagstaff memorial and overlook, boulder falls, and finally Rocky Mountain National park, before heading to my host's house for the evening.

I re-packed my car and headed off toward my first destination, Flagstaff. As I let my GPS guide me, I drove slowly, taking in the beautiful town of Boulder. Within minutes I reached the foot of the mountains and began my climb up, soon stopping at overhangs to take pictures of the majestic panoramic views below. All along the drive were people running and mountain biking, a city truly fit for its reputation! After trekking partially up the mountain I decided I had seen the best of the views and so I re-routed for Boulder Falls. As I went further and further along the drive, I found myself falling in love with the creeks, cabins, and trails running placidly through the mountain sprinkled with snow. Images of cozy cabins, a white Christmas, and happy friends kept swimming through my head as I let down the window and smelled the crisp breeze. By the time I reached the falls, I knew Boulder was a place I could see myself. At first I shook off the notion, but the gut feeling I've grown more and more accustomed to listening to was telling me that maybe this was where I wanted to stay, at least for a little while. Even though I had been on the road for a little over a week, staying at Kevin's house had made me realize I was starting to yearn for more normality, especially at night when searching for a place to stay was always an exhausting task.

After seeing Boulder Falls and taking more pictures, I decided instead of heading toward Rocky Mountain National Park, I would I navigate to the nearest location with free Internet. Luckily I passed right by the public library and veered right into the parking lot. Even such a public place like the library was nestled amongst a grove of beautiful fall foliage and near a creek, the perfect serenity of the setting making me even more convinced that this was the right thing to do. The library was closed for Veterans day, but nonetheless, I spent the next few hours on a bench outside searching for available apartments to rent and jobs to apply for. The most exciting part was expressing my plans out loud to Josh and my good friend Jessica and having them both agree fervently that that would be a wonderful idea! Even better was the fact that Jessica was ready to move with me as soon as she figured out when she would be able to. Everything seemed to be falling into place! I could live in a college town and finally get the young and active adult life I always dreamed of and regretted not having. Also being near the mountains and ultimately having a cozy white Christmas and hopefully with the people very dear to me seemed like a wish too good to be true. It was with these thoughts that I searched room after room, apartment after apartment, looking for the place I would want to call my home. My initial criteria was to find a quaint cabin to rent nestled in the mountains, but I also had to keep in mind that Jessica would be coming in a few months, and that signing into something long term wouldn't be the best idea for someone on such a spontaneity streak as I currently was on. I spent the rest of the afternoon into the evening searching and making appointments at various places for the following day, excited to embark on my new life.

As dusk drew nearer, I finally forced myself to pack up and head toward the supermarket to buy groceries for that evening's meal at my host's house. I decided to cook the same dinner that I had cooked at Kevin's, figuring it was cheap, delicious, nutritious and a personal way to say thank you. After wandering around Whole Foods, I set off toward my host's place, anxious for another greeting with a stranger, but also excited for all of the possibilities that now lay ahead. My host for that evening, Jason, greeted me out at my car and showed me the way to his place. Jason and his roommate Brian live in a quaint back house just big enough for the two of them, a cat, and their slough of plants. When Jason and I started to talk, I found out that he too was a biology major pursuing his PHD. Was it just strange coincidence that my 2 hosts had both been involved in biology, or was this a popular trend in the Colorado lifestyle? Jason talked as I cooked, animatedly telling me about his thesis and all of the research he's completed and is working toward. I nodded as I listened, chiming in when I could, and trying to make sense of the scientific jargon he kept elaborating on. It made me wish not for the last time that I was more prolific in that area of academia, but alas, that side of my brain must have had a neglected upbringing.

Jason and I ate dinner and talked more about his research and my plans to stay in Boulder. His roommate Brian came come sometime after that and joined in on the conversation, adding his own comedic relief to the evening. After some time, we each settled to our own tasks for the night; Jason back to his room to continue working on his thesis, Brian at the sewing machine altering shirts for his company football game that weekend, and me on the couch once again glued to my laptop. Every so often, Jason or Brian would go outside to "smoke a blunt" and "gain some insight." Jason even offered me a $5 ganja cookie at one point, to which I laughed at and politely declined. I couldn't help but wonder why there always seemed to be a direct correlation between really academic people in the sciences and smoking weed? I thought it was admirable of Jason to be pursuing a PHD at so young an age, but couldn't feel somewhat jealous at the ease in which he seemed to grasp math and science, even as a prolific pot head. Perhaps it really is true that some drugs give the user insight into a different dimension that is just too expansive for the average human mind. Or perhaps that's just the ganja talking.

I spent the night on the small couch researching jobs and apartments, then snuggled up with the cat and drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a great day full of new beginnings in the city I was ready to call home.

Last Minute Decisions

Heading south once again on the highway, I started getting anxious at the thought of heading back toward the desert. Josh called to check in and i couldn't help but smile at the sound of his voice. I expressed my concerns, or more like whined at the idea of heading back toward the south. He convinced me to reconsider my destination and instead suggested I maybe head toward the mountains. I pulled over and weighed my options. I could continue in this direction, through the desert and toward New Orleans (which was expecting a hurricane), or I could head up through Northern Colorado and then go east. I decided to stick to my gut feeling and turned around. I decided to go to Denver and then Boulder! Here come the mountains!

Denver proved to be a beautiful city, an urban mecca full of young, good-looking people and even more aesthetic looking buildings. It was a city I could imagine myself living in. I roamed around for a few hours, taking pictures and trying not to look out of place. After awhile, I started to get tired of avoiding gazes on the street and looking like a tourist with my bulky camera, stopping every few yards to snap away. I kept trying to brush off the thoughts I kept having of how much I yearned to have Josh with me. He wasn't here and wasn't going to be. It was a reality I would have to come to terms with.

I had parked my car outside of a hotel and spent an hour online deciding if I should spend the night in a hotel in Denver or bum it again in my car and hope that a host would respond to my emails for the next night in Boulder. After receiving a few negative responses, I decided to head to Boulder and gave in to getting a hotel there. It had only been a week since I started my trip and I already splurged too much as it was! But something kept telling me I wanted to stay in the comfort of a room so I gave in. I'm either becoming way too in tune with my inner or desires, or else my willpower is taking advantage of me! Nonetheless, I checked in and proceeded to bask in the comforts of paid luxury; laps in the indoor swimming pool, daydreaming in the jacuzzi, and finally a long night's sleep in the comfort of a giant bed.

Mirror Images

Pueblo, CO: Day 2

I woke up feeling refreshed and at peace, happy to have the chance to sleep in and in no rush to be anywhere. I took my time showering and preparing what I wanted to do for the day. The computer I had been lugging around finally sold on eBay, so I made it my mission to get it shipped and out of my car!

I headed to the nearest post office, found out I needed to wrap it myself, then proceeded to find a Wal-Mart superstore. I walked in and found myself staring at a large selection of groceries. This would be prime time to stock up! As I made my way around, I got the bright notion of making dinner tonight as my way of thank you for all of Kevin's hospitality. After calling him to ask for his permission and getting an excited affirmative, I kept going down the isles, checking off items in my head. Now, I'm not the most time efficient shopper, considering I linger at every product making sure I get the most bang for my buck. So after a few hours, I finally walked out of Wal-Mart with my shipping materials, groceries, and menu for that evening! I threw the items in my car then proceeded to package my computer in the parking lot, a process that got me lots of strange glances. When I had it wrapped as securely as I could manage, I backtracked to the post office and said goodbye to my old friend, my first computer, as it joined the sea of other packages.

By this time the sun was high in the sky and I had the rest of the day to myself. I decided to drive the 30 minutes to Colorado Springs and check out the Garden of the Gods, which I was told was a sight to be seen. Once again I found myself on the road, but had a sense of peace that I had a home to go back to at the end of the day and felt a little more at ease. I think having someone to talk to also made a significant difference, I had never gone that long without any human interaction and the easy companionship was most welcoming!

I found myself lost and navigating the streets yet again, then finally found myself at Garden of the Gods. Although beautiful, I admit it wasn't as impressive as i thought it would be considering I was expecting more colorful greenery. After lingering in the visitor center, eyeing the attractive attendant, and shifting through a list of nearby tourist points of interest, I decided on checking out the historic Manitou Springs. So once again I got in my car and fiddled with the GPS, which was proving to be a useful purchase! I parked near the historic district and walked around the little town, snapping pictures here and there of colorful trees and old buildings. After awhile, the loneliness once again kicked in. I couldn't help but smile sadly at the thought that I missed the stupid bickers Josh and I would always have when it came to seeing sights like this. He always dragged his heels and insisted on the rote boring-ness of walking around a town, while I always insisted it was part of the adventure. As I passed store after store selling the usual tourist item, I sadly admitted in my head that he was right-stores can get extremely boring. I got a call from Kevin letting me know he was back at home but that I should continue enjoying my day. By that point it was later in the afternoon and I was starting to get bored and somewhat tired. This adventure was proving to be a difficult one to enjoy. Perhaps I needed to be more sociable with complete strangers on the street? As this thought crossed my mind, I passed by several pedestrians, most of which were either high hippies or homeless men. I immediately shook off that thought, kept my head down, and rushed back to my car.

When I got back to the house, Kevin was comfortably sitting at the computer awaiting my arrival. I got to cooking and although he insisted on helping, I told him I would take care of it. He pulled up a chair and we talked as I cooked. I kept finding out more and more about him and became are more and more intrigued at how much he reminded me of me. It's not that I keep saying that in a narcissistic, self-loving type of way, I just finally felt like I met someone with the same ideals that I had. I always felt like an outsider looking in, in my own world that nobody else seemed to understand or relate to, but meeting Kevin opened my eyes that the world is a large place full of people that share the same beliefs, dreams and interests as I do. It's just a matter of finding them and being open to new encounters. I made chicken and vegetables with rice and we once again ate in the living room, sitting crossed leg on the floor. I loved the informality of it all and the ease in which we continued to talk. As usual after dinner, I immediately had a craving for something sweet, and he read my mind by suggesting we go for ice cream. We walked to the local supermarket, then returned home and pigged out on ice cream while watching two movies. We both joked at how lame we were for just being lazy, and suffice it to say, I almost did a triple take when I saw him walk out in his pajamas, the same adornment of plaid sweatpants and bulky sweater that I too wore every night to bed. The coincidences were just getting stranger and stranger!

Like clockwork, at 10 we both began to yawn and decided once again to get our "old butts" to bed. By this point, I felt like I was continuing on in a familiar, comfortable routine. I snuggled back in bed with Mr. Minky and drifted off. Since Kevin had decided to stay home from work the next day, in the morning we walked to get what Kevin claimed were, the "best breakfast burritos in town." I soon learned that apparently there is a competition amongst restaurateurs in Pueblo to make the best green chile sauce. And that's exactly what we ordered, breakfast burritos smothered in green chile sauce. Yet again, my palette was delectably surprised! Trying something new and loving it!

As we walked back to the house, I noticed the shift in conversation to silence as the time for me to leave grew nearer. It wasn't so much an attraction as it was a comfortable companion that we both had found. We said our goodbyes and I thanked him profusely yet again for his generosity and hospitality, then headed off down the road. My next destination: Dinosaur tracks in the Comanche Grasslands in the lower south of Colorado.

New Friends

Pueblo, CO: Night 1

As the time to meet my host grew nearer, I began to wonder more and more if I should refrain from going, suck it up, and spend another night in my car. But something told me to give it a try, embark on a new adventure, and one where I hopefully didn't get killed. I decided to go along with it and that I would put my feelers out and trust my gut instinct as soon as I arrived. After talking to Kevin once more and getting his address, I punched it into in my GPS and headed toward the unknown. I kept saying silent prayers in my head, all the while trying not to let the texts from Josh telling me to go buy pepper spray or a knife or something get to my head. The most hilarious text came as soon as I arrived; Josh had google mapped Kevin's house and taken a picture to show me he knew where I was staying. It was extremely comforting and made me laugh knowing he still cared enough to make sure I would be OK. I took in a breath, said one more silent prayer, and headed toward Kevin's front door.

All my anxieties immediately melted away. Kevin and I started talking, and talking, and talking. Before I knew it, I realized I was actually talking to the exact replica of me! Except in a males form and a few years older. It was such a strange sensation, but I've never felt more at ease so soon in my life! I laughed off my silly insecurities and thoughts from before, and tried to enjoy my new found friend. We ended up going out for a late dinner. Kevin took me to an amazing "hole in the wall" Mexican place where I ordered what he recommended, the California burrito-ironic? I was a little hesitant when I found out the mixture inside consisted of meat, french fries, and mixed vegetables. But as soon as I took a bite, I kept going until I had scarfed it all down! Granted, it was partially because I hadn't eaten most of day, but It was also one of the most delicious and different burritos I've ever had! Another point for Kevin! Budget conscious AND a terrific palette. I was becoming more enamored and extremely intrigued at all of the coincidences that kept popping up. He explained that he was an environmental scientist who considers himself a minimalist, only using what he needs and not giving into materialism. He is also extremely active in athletics and outdoor activities, refusing to own a car and instead riding his bike everywhere, "taking in the scenery" as he puts it. He also does yoga, juggles, and openly admits that he likes things that are out of the ordinary. A man after my own heart! He is also very soft spoken and calm, emanating a sense of peace that is extremely encompassing. I had never felt so comfortable so fast, especially in a "strangers" home. To top it off, he had a cat which I immediately fell in love with. I've never liked cats.

We finished our dinner and proceeded to watch a movie with Italian subtitles. Neither of us were paying much attention considering the strange story line and difficulty in concentrating on the tiny words, but instead kept alternating questions which gave more insight into my growing suspicion that this had to be my brother from another mother! After a little while, we both began to nod off and decided to head off to bed. While saying goodnight, Kevin graciously offered for me to stay another night if I felt so inclined. As soon as he said it, I knew I wanted to, and told him so. We both headed off in opposite directions. I had my own room complete with air mattress. I admit, I still stuck a sweater under the door as a door jam just to be cautious, even though I knew I had nothing to worry about. I snuggled up, uploaded my pictures for the day, and whispered one more silent prayer-thank you.

Anxieties

Pueblo: Day 1

I've been driving all day, heading toward Pueblo, CO. My path lead me through the Rockies, where I marveled in the beautiful sight lying all around me. There's something about mountainous terrain and snow that makes me feel at peace inside. It's as if the closer I am to the mountains and fresh air, the more alive and calm I feel. It was with these daydreams in mind that I realized later on that I ran into a problem.

I arrived in Pueblo, Colorado 5 hours later tired and frustrated. The scenery had changed once again from mountain terrain to flatland. I had talked to my couchsurfing host, we'll call him Kevin, a few hours into the trip and wasn't expected until later that night. I pulled into a Hampton Inn and Suites and plugged my computer in, perusing the Internet and relaxing in the comfort of a living room type setting while I planned my next steps.

Problem number one, I went to check Kevin's profile fully and started to get really uneasy as to what I was getting myself into. Granted, his review was positive and all of his pictures seemed docile. But I started to get more and more anxious, my imagination kicking into hyper drive. I am a 22 year old female staying with a complete stranger, a 35 year old male. What am I doing? I tried to quickly think of places to buy pepper spray and how I would prepare myself for the evening if something uncomfortable were to take place. To top it off, I realized that my long trek to Pueblo was actually pointless. I either had the choice to travel up into Colorado, and much further away from New Orleans, or backtrack down south back into New Mexico and the dry terrain of the South. Did the females in my travel books go through these same issues, or was I just overreacting? I'm now at a frustrating crossroad of choices yet again.

In an attempt to make the best of the situation, I searched "must see" travel destinations across the USA and found the results to be extremely disheartening. Most of the locations I had already seen or were in California. The locations that were scattered across the map lay mostly to the far east or in various parts throughout the continent, mostly away from me. The most interesting part about the whole ordeal is as I drove farther and farther from CA and Josh, I felt more and more lonely and lost. My dreams of discovering a new home and a new life are starting to waver as my confidence level drops. I've been without real human interaction for almost a week and it's making me even more anxious. Am I running away from someone in particular or humanity itself? I'm worried if I keep going on my travels, I'll find myself lost and without hope on the other side of the country, away from everyone.

I know my uneasiness will subside as soon as I hit my destination of New Orleans and beyond, since that is where I truly want to see and where the scenery is most likely to my taste. But for now, how do I get from Colorado to New Orleans most efficiently and without getting stranded in the barren South? How will I face my first host and the unknown evening lying ahead without having an anxiety attack? Yet again, my good intentions have led me into a wide expanse of unknown.

Day 5: Learn from the Ancients

Today was the last day of the season for tourists to visit the ancient ruins of Mesa Verde. The park closed at four, and I had about 3 hours of driving ahead of me! I navigated as best as I could, hurrying along the highway but also taking in the beautiful change in scenery. It's amazing how distinct the state border changes are in environment! It's as if mother nature knows inherently what each state's ecosystem should look like once you've crossed the borderline.

The New Mexico scenery is of golden trees and small hills of tall grass, while Colorado gives way to boasting mountains and carnivorous firs. I got to Mesa Verde in more than enough time, traversing the 20 mile climb up the mountain, and stopped to take in the amazing expanse of land before me from the top. My first destination was the museum, where I purchased my ticket for the Cliff Palace tour and headed off toward the Spruce Tree House while I waited. Mesa Verde is a national forest protecting the ancient ruins of the Pueblo people. The Spruce Tree House and Cliff Palace are 2 of the several dwellings of the ancient people, their homes built into the sandstone faces of the tall mountainsides. Seeing Spruce Tree House from afar was simply amazing. But actually standing in front of them is even more incredible. The ruins are nestled in the underbelly of the cliff, protected by a slight overhang of the mesa above. To see the lifestyle of ancient man compared to today's world is astounding! These people lived in tiny, 10 x 8 rooms on a cliff side and still managed to survive, sans electronics and the rest of today's modern marvels. Granted, their maximum lifespan was 40 at the absolute greatest, but that's irrelevant.

I took my time walking through the site and taking pictures, trying to focus on capturing the architecture and beautiful color of the stone. As I walked, I couldn't help but notice how extremely peaceful the location is. Aside from the chirping birds and occasional woodpecker, the forest is absolutely serene. It's a nice chance from the hustle and bustle of city life where the only nature you can usually find is an occasional tree struggling to survive in a sidewalk, or a sad bush covered in soot from all the traffic passing by.

My next stop was Cliff Palace. I waited for the tour the beginning at the Cliff Palace overhang, which looks across the whole valley and the ancient structure to the left below. If Spruce Tree was a marvel to behold with it's capability of inhabiting 30, Cliff Palace was even more grand, holding a population at one point of 120. The our began at 3 as our extremely informative guide took us down to Cliff Palace and gave us a history lesson into the life of the ancient people. It still amazes me how simple life was, not saying that hunting and gathering was simple in the least, but I'm sure those people had a greater appreciation for life and nature around them. If you haven't noticed already, that's a recurring angst I have against modern society. Materialism and superficiality. It made me laugh when the tour guide explained that the Pueblo people would purposefully flatten the back skull of the babies in what they considered a mark of beauty. Oh how humanity has evolved in it's ideals of beauty!

An hour and several pictures later, the tour concluded. As I took the path to leave, I placed my fingers in a worn hand print in the sandstone and smiled inwardly. It's amazing how time flies. I climbed the ladders out of the recesses and headed toward the car. By now dusk was beginning to fall and I still had to figure out where to spend the night. My next destination was Durango, CO.

I had been out of phone service range all day and was hoping as I headed down the mountain I would have a message from a couch surfing host in Durango, or any messages at all. By this point in the day I was starting to feel somewhat lonely. Witnessing the ancient ruins was a marvel, but it's not the same without a friend to share the wonder with. I tried to erase these thoughts and pegged it to exhaustion and fatigue. I still had my cold and hadn't been eating too well. A girl is bound to get cranky under these conditions!

To my disappointment, I didn't have a couch surfing message, but texts began filtering in from friends checking in, especially Josh. Talking to him still seemed to ease my mind, even though I still have mixed feelings about him and our entire relationship. I find it odd how I spent two and a half years with him. He kind of seems like a stranger to me now, and that thought makes me both sad and optimistic at the same time. Sad because I felt like I lost a friend, but optimistic at the opportunities that lay ahead. Nonetheless, it was nice to hear from a familiar friend who obviously cared about how I was doing. That was a nice thought.

I headed to Durango and immediately fell in love, even though at this point the night had come. The cute mountain town is nestled in between mountains, my ultimate favorite environment. Again I had a sad nostalgia at not having anyone to share the moment with. At Josh's insistence to eat something, I pulled into a McDonalds, took out my laptop, and attempted to distract my lonesome thoughts with writing and uploading my pictures.

Long after my dinner had been eaten and the time ticked by, I finally gave into the growing dread that I would have to find a place to park my car to sleep for the night. There was a Double Tree hotel with a large parking lot across the street. That looked like my safest, most discrete bet. I roared my car back to life and navigated to the hotel parking lot, trying to find the furthest parking spot that would also shield me from any passing eyes. I parked my car and began settling down for the night, hoping once again onto my laptop and taping into the hotel free Wi-Fi. The idea of writing a Hobo 101 guidebook is growing on me more and more. I logged back into couch surfer and thought I would try my luck for tomorrow night. I checked my map and decided on Pueblo, Co. Hopefully I would have more luck there!

Day 4: 4 Places at Once

Day 4:

After staying through the sunrise, I decided it was finally time to leave the Grand Canyon and head toward my next direction, Four Corners, USA. But as I was leaving the park, I had the brilliant epiphany of trying to sell my park pass, which was good for 7 days, and decided to maneuver just outside the park gates in hopes of stopping a passing car. Now, although the thought may have been a nice one, the actual act of getting tourists to 1. stop the car and 2. trust you enough to purchase a ticket, quickly became apparent as car after car passed me. I quickly felt like some kind of con artist as I stood by the side of the road, waving my arm out as cars passed by. It's funny how jaded society has become that most people won't even stop for a young girl parked on the side of the road. What if I had needed help!

After 20 minutes, 2 No's, and a lot of cars passing by, I decided to be a good Samaritan and make someones day by giving away the ticket. Another 15 minutes passed, more cars flying by, and finally I gave up hope. As I started my car back up and headed down the road, I kept having the strange urge to flag down every passing car on the side of the road, or putting up a sign in my windshield saying "free Grand Canyon pass!" It's funny how even trying to be nice can be hard work sometimes!

I set my GPS for Four Corners, USA, said my silent goodbye to the Grand Canyon, and headed off into the desert.

2 hours of nothing but dryness. Have I mentioned how much I HATE the desert? It's so desolate and depressing. I could feel myself starting to get anxious again. Four Corners was coming up and I was more than happy to get out of the car, take my pictures, and get out of the barrenness. I pulled up to the entrance and was surprised to see a rickety station with a sign requesting an entrance fee. I was expecting some podium on a spot of land! It's amazing what people will charge for. I paid the entrance fee and headed inside, you only get the chance once to be in 4 places at the same time! The monument itself is a large cement platform with all four states reaching one round center. Each state flag is flying high around the platform as well. It really is a cool sensation once you get past the fact that it's literally in the middle of nowhere! Around the monument were more rickety shacks boasting Indian fry bread and genuine Indian pottery and jewelery. I couldn't help but feel somewhat sad for this lost culture, still suppressed and banned to live in the most barren parts of the country!

I took my pictures and quickly hopped back in the car, ready to head to some civilization with thoughts of a shower and huge bed swimming through my head!

The Farmington Marriott proved to be more than adequate. Road trip luxury! I took my time in the shower, had an amazing dinner of New Mexico tortilla soup (a must have!) , and sat by the fireplace in the lobby sipping hot cocoa while uploading my pictures from the day. Once again, I basked in the glow of life's simple pleasures, thinking of the giant bed awaiting me that I would have all to myself. A girl can only feel so lucky! I was so enamored and thankful for a good night's sleep, that I overslept. Now if only time could be slowed down too in order to take full advantage of each moment! On to Colorado and the ancient dwellings of Mesa Verde....

Day 3: Awakening

12 hours of dead slumber later, I awoke in my darkened hotel room. I felt relaxed, rested, but still sick. This cold was proving to be a hard companion to ditch. I took my time getting ready for the day, reasoning that I wanted to enjoy every moment of the luxury of having a hotel room before spending another night in my car.

I ambled into the lobby at 8 for the free continental breakfast, thinking I had an hour until it was over. I quickly noticed the attendant busily putting items away and I searched confusedly around the empty room. After some disjointed words of Spanish, recesses from my high school days, I found the clock in my hotel room had actually been correct! I completely forgot about zone time changes. I quickly grabbed some items before the attendant had the chance to whisk them away and headed back to my hobbit hole. When I finally left the comfort of the room, the afternoon sun was already warming the day. I went for a quick tour through Williams, AZ, took some pictures, and headed toward the Grand Canyon.

I started to feel more at ease as the scenery slowly melted from dry desert to mountainous firs. I pulled into the park and eased my way through the crowds into an empty spot, right in front of the wide expanse. That initial sight of the Grand Canyon is so breathtaking, it makes you feel both significant to stand at the brink of such a glorious monument, and insignificant in size compared to its grandeur. The majestic beauty of such a natural wonder is extremely humbling. I took several hours taking pictures and merely sitting on the brink dangling my feet into the recesses below. The sheer expanse of the canyon takes you back millions of years in time, to a much simpler time when mother nature ran her course and the creatures around it appreciated the simple abundance.

That evening, I took a guided nature tour and remained near a vantage viewing point to capture the sunset, a truly magnificent sight. The suns rays dip below the canyon, casting tremendous shadows across every crevice. As the rays began to drop away and the waning darkness took over, I realized I was alone in the park and some distance from the safety of my car! Not to mention the cold wind that was growing incessantly stronger. I ran back toward civilization, my backpack and camera slamming into my hip the whole way, and caught the shuttle back to my car. By now the last of the sun was waning over the mountains and the night sky was beginning to light up with millions of twinkling stars. I would have enjoyed the sight even more if my next mission weren't so fervent in my mind, finding a place to sleep for the night!

I drove around the darkened park and tried to think logically. I could find a parking space near a bathroom, but to my dismay, all the public lots were closed. The campground was out of the question unless I wanted to spend upwards of $30 just to sleep in my car! I was also hesitant to leave the park and travel back down to the nearest village, some miles away. With only the thought of waking up early enough to catch the sunrise, I found myself driving back toward Yaki point, the same spot I had just been to photograph the sunset, and the same spot I would be in the morning for the sunrise. The parking lot was empty except for one other car, so I pulled in front of the public restroom, and prepared myself to sleep. An hour or so passed as I stared up at the beautiful night sky and thought about the events of the day. But before I could drift away in slumber, harsh bright lights pulled up beside my car and the next thing I knew, a flashlight was being glared through my window and into my eyes. I quickly opened the door and found myself face to face with the park ranger. She immediately told me I could not sleep in my car, and to guide myself to the campground or leave the park. Embarrassed and ruffled, I quickly apologized and got back behind the wheel. So much for being clever!

By now, my only option seemed to try the campground, so I headed in the direction and eased my way past the entrance guard, hoping I could get away with not paying the fee! I pulled through the grounds and passed several silent cars, their inhabitants most likely asleep for the night. I pulled into a vacant lot, quieted the engine, and tried to calm my mind. Should I risk spending the night here with the possibility of being woken up again in the middle of the night for not paying the entrance fee? It was a chance I was about to take!

So once again, I curled up in the backseat of my car, hugging Mr. Minky tight and trying to keep out all of the horror movie images I had of pitch black forests and lonely individuals. Before I knew it, I was asleep. After a fitful night of tossing and turning in the cramped space, I woke up well before sunrise, said a silent prayer for not being caught, and decided to head back toward Yaki Point to reserve my sunrise photo opportunity. After fighting the biting cold morning wind and setting up my prime location, I watched as the Sun began to rise over the west of the mountains. If the initial sight of the Grand Canyon during the day, or watching the sunset weren't beautiful enough, seeing the sunrise was a completely different experience. The shutter of my camera kept clicking away as I took shot after shot after shot. A camera couldn't do the wonder enough justice.

All of the other tourists stood beside me in silent awe as we watched the beautiful sight unfold. The Sun's rays flushed the red stone brilliantly, like hell's fire reaching up from the pit of the earth. Once again, and not for the last time, I felt so thankful to be able to witness such an amazing sight and quietly reminded myself yet again not to rush through life, passing by all of the wonders of each new day.

Day 2: On the Road Again

"This is a song for every girl who's ever been through something she thought she couldn't make it though. I sing these words because I was that girl too. Wanting something better than this. But who do I turn to? Now we're moving from the darkness into the light. This is the defining moment of our lives..." (Beautiful Flower: India Arie)

Day 2 of my epic, self-defying road trip. It's 11:30pm and I'm at a Marriott in Williams, AZ. I woke up early this morning after spending a restless night stiff in the backseat of my car, which was parked in front of the Colorado Bell hotel in Laughlin, NV. The scattered cars parked in the lot, coupled with the twinkling lights of the nearby hotels was a sad reminder of poor economic times and all of the lost souls hoping to hit the "next big thing." I mentally added myself to that crowd, pointing out that hoboing it in the backseat of my car wasn't one of my more finer moments in life. As I lay trying to rest my mind and the jumbled thoughts from the day, I stared up at the moon looking down on me through the window. Coupled with my heavy breathing from the cold I've been fighting all week, I couldn't help but smile at the irony of the mental picture I had of myself at the moment: a sad reminder of the spitting image of Chris McCandless in his final scene from "Into the Wild." Although i too am on a quest to find myself "out in the wild," I hope my epiphany comes with a happier ending.

When I woke up, I gathered myself and prepared to take on the day, starting with a trek to the Target I saw on my way into the city. I fumbled with my keys, played with the GPS, groaned at my reflection in the mirror, then took off down the road. So much for the bright lights of Laughlin! 3 trips to Target, 1 to Walmart, and 2 to Radio Shack later, I was finally on my way with a new ipod, road map, and charger for my camera battery! Things were starting to look up! I decided the Grand Canyon could wait another day and instead chose to head to the closest city near it, Williams, AZ. I took a detour along the "historic" Route 66 in order to check out the Grand Canyon Caverns. My only lead being a little pink square on my hand dandy road map. After driving through absolute desolation for over an hour, I now know to be wary of the word historic, which I think is code for boarded up, rusting buildings and sketchy people in the middle of no man's land. I felt like I was driving through Psycho's present day remake, and I didn't like my odds.

An hour into dusty and rock, I began to get restless for some greenery. Who's bright idea was it to have the winter buff start off in the desert? Or the notoriously bad driver deciding to go on a road trip? My doubts soon kicked into overdrive when I looked down at my GPS and found myself plowing headlong off the road into a a ditch. I quickly spun my wheel and hit the brake, the only thoughts that running through my mind was, "insurance!" My car came to a shaking halt and I floored the gas, causing the back tires to rotate farther into the ditch. Considering the right reaction would be to start freaking out, I started cleaning my car. I tried a few weak attempts at pushing the car while stepping on the gas, but to no avail. I continued to clean and figured a cop was sure to pull by at some point. Luckily, I didn't have to wait long as a car stopped to help and two nice men and a mom with two young children came out to help push my car out. After they told me to be very careful and watched me head down the road, I quickly berated myself for getting too cocky and quickly set my cruise control to 40. Any car that was stuck behind me would just have to deal with it! At this point I was tired, hungry, and finally shaken up as the realization of what happened sunk in. I drove right by the Grand Canyon Caverns concluding once you've seen some caverns, you've seen them all. I wanted to see some trees, and pronto! A hot shower and bed also sounded extremely tempting. Another epiphany of the day: poor people must have a greater appreciation for all of the little things in life that most of us take for granted on a daily basis. Next stop, Williams, AZ, but this time I'm pulling over to adjust my GPS.

Realizations

"This is a song for every girl who's ever been through something she thought she couldn't make it though. I sing these words because I was that girl too. Wanting something better than this. But whom do I turn to? Now we're moving from the darkness into the light. This is the defining moment of our lives..." (Beautiful Flower: India Arie)

Have you ever woken up one day to realize you're not living the life you always dreamed about? Well, that's exactly what happened to me, except mine wasn't an overnight transformation, but one accumulating over a period of time. 7 months out of college, 2 years without parents, and a 2 1/2 year relationship abruptly coming to an end shook the very foundations of my being.

The final start to my forthcoming downfall happened when my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, decided overnight that although he still loved me, he needed to let me go to "start living my life." The confusion and realization of the whole ordeal didn't fully kick in until I was driving in my fully packed car alone, making the trek back "home" to Southern CA from Sacramento, with a blank slate of a future ahead of me.

I stayed two weeks at my Aunt and Uncle's home, taking some time to myself and trying not to do ANYTHING, a feat that is impossible for an overachiever. My new motto was that I officially failed at underachieving. I spent my days restless and my nights tossing. I had no prospects of a job and didn't feel motivated to start one, and had no idea of what my future laid in store for me. For an avid planner, these unknowns were making me extremely testy and uncomfortable. My only vice in this fitful period was my growing urge to travel. I spent my days reading travel memoirs, searching destinations online, and planning some sort of escape in the near future. With the holiday months approaching, I figured I could wait until the New Year and start fresh with an adventure. Apparently my mind and soul had another fate in store for me.

Ever since I was a young girl, I always had this strange sixth sense that I would not live past a certain young age but at the same time would fulfill some sort of success in my adult life. The two contradictory images have always stayed in my subconscious and had me driving toward a life of material success, constant pressures and stresses my body couldn't handle. During these 2 weeks of "recovery," I kept having fitful dreams and strange voices yelling in my head to "Go! Just go!" Phrases from songs that played in my musical play list would snap to my attention, the words always hinting to "Let go. Grow up. Find yourself." This was the soundtrack to my destination, the signs from my soul. It may have been delirium from the week long cold I was fighting, or the sudden realization that this was the destiny I was suppose to fulfill; the symbolic death of my past life which constantly haunted me, and the embarking of a new one filled with hopeful successes of my own. As soon as I gave in to this apparition, my physical body went on autopilot and my mind went blank. I packed and prepared, mentally ticking of items I needed and the ones I could leave behind. My limbs moved mechanically, knowing what needed to be done as a sudden peace overcame my being. The only other time I had this same sensation was when I left my dysfunctional parent’s home 2 years ago. It was as if another was guiding me, a force shoving me in the direction I was supposed to go. It was time for me to leave my past behind and discover who I was and the person I wanted to be.

There are countless movies and stories about individuals embarking on road trips to discovery. I decided to follow in those illustrated footsteps in hopes of having the same profound and life changing results. Perhaps my actions were a product of too many fictional stories and fantastic revelries; there was only one way I was going to find out. I packed my Jeep with a single suitcase, a pillow, blankets, my laptop, some remaining items already in the car from my recent move back down, my stuffed bear Mr. Minky, the only reminder from childhood’s past, my professional camera with a near dead battery, and my heavy desktop computer that had a few days remaining before being sold on eBay. For the past 2 years, the home I had known and grown to love had been with my now ex-boyfriend. I had parents who didn't understand me, a sister planning a wedding to embark on her own life, and friends who were already living theirs. The only thoughts that kept filling my mind were: “I have no home, I have myself.” It was time for me to go and find out who I was.